A way to forget and forgive
by world of me
Summary: Started before I read bloodlines. This is my take on one of our favourite and most underrated guardians and life outside of St.Vlads and court. Rating may change at a later date.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not nor have I ever owned any recognisable characters, plots, places, songs, events etc.. and unfortunately never will. All credit for aforementioned recognisable material/s goes to there respective creators, which may or may not be obvious.

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**(This fic started off on my old account, I had done a brilliant job of ruining it along with my other story that was on there. I recently decided to get back into writing and found them again. WOW they were horrible, what was I thinking?! I like the story lines I had thought of but the fics were reading completely different, the plot was rushed the writing was terrible and I don't think many people could put up with all the waiting between chapters only to have them stop suddenly for over a year. As I said though I liked my original ideas, so I have decided to rewrite them. Hopefully I can get them to a passable standard. I hope you enjoy the new and improved version.)**

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**_A way to forget and forgive._**

**_Chapter 1._**

I found myself once again looking out the window of my room, out to the cold snowy grounds. My eyes immediately finding and following the grey path, that had been cleared of the awful snow, to its furthermost point and when there was no path to follow I found a track of recent footprints, undoubtedly made by a guardian on patrol, my eyes strained to follow them along there path to the edge of the forest. Most of the trees had lost their leaves; all of them including the ever greens were covered in snow and icicles. There seemed to be no animal life making the mostly unpopulated school look deserted. The campus had looked nothing but cold and uninviting since I arrived. The few guardians who had tried talking to me, before realising I wasn't going to be very outgoing, had tried to convince me that it wasn't usually so cold at this time of year. I wasn't convinced.

I sighed loudly running a hand through my hair while turning back to my room. I don't know why I keep looking out that window. I barely notice I'm doing it. Maybe a small part of me hopes the next time I look the scene will be different. Sighing again I fall back against my bed wondering if it would be too soon to go back to the gym. When I first got here that's where I would spend all my time. Except when eating and sleeping. Then the head guard decided it was unhealthy and told me if I kept it up he would restrict me to a few hours a day. I couldn't handle that.

All that free time with nothing to do. Stuck in this dreary dull place. Left alone with my thoughts. Thoughts about killing that pore innocent. A shiver ran down my spine at the memory. I know I had to do it. It was him or me. If me then maybe them too. I had to do my job. I had to protect them. But still the memory haunted me. Especially his eyes as the last of his life drained from his body.

Just because I had to be here didn't mean I had to enjoy it.

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**As much as I didn't like the way this fic was previously written I found I actually liked this mini chapter a fair bit, so I haven't done much to change it. Please review and let me know what you think so far.**

**P.S I'm Looking for a beta if anyone is interested. **


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not nor have I ever owned any recognisable characters, plots, places, songs, events etc.. and unfortunately never will. All credit for aforementioned recognisable material/s goes to there respective creators, which may or may not be obvious.

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**And here's the second chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

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**_A way to forget and forgive._**

**_Chapter 2._**

I knew I had to protect them. I'd grown up with that fact drilled into me. They come first. A motto I live by. I did what was needed to save them. But still the memory haunted me. Especially his eyes as the last of his life drained from his body.

"Agh" I had to stop thinking about this. I started pacing around, desperately trying to think of something, anything to take my mind of this. Just as I was about to give up and sink into my usual state of depression, there was a knock on the door. Just in time I sighed.

"Can I help you?" I asked the young boy standing there. One of the few students who had nowhere to go over the brake. I felt sorry for him. Not long ago that had been me. I knew it must suck, it was bad enough at where most of the novices would stay, but here nearly everyone Dhampire and Moroi alike went home, except a small group of about twenty who all varied in ages, plus five guardians and two Moroi teachers.

"Guardian Lockland would like to see you." He said. I nodded politely to indicate that I had gotten his message before he turned and left, not wanting to hang around. When I got to the head guardians office the door was open giving me a clear view of the inside. A young girl sat in one of the chairs opposite his desk her back facing me. She had long brown hair that seemed a familiar colour, though I can't think why. They seemed to be in a serious conversation so I hesitated at the door a moment before knocking on the frame.

"Ah. Guardian Castle come in." I did. "Guardian Castle this is Victoria. Her family have been coming to this school for generations now, even her grate grandmother came her, didn't she?" the girl nodded her yes. Now that I had seen her face it probably wasn't fair to call her young. She looked to be about sixteen, seventeen. Only a few years younger than myself. I could have sworn I had seen her before, and not just in passing, I just couldn't figure out where.

"Sadly though her family has suffered a resent loss among other problems. They decided it might be best if she were trained and mentored privately as well as her lessons. Since you seem to like the gym I thought you might take on the responsibility." Damn this guy could ramble. I was going to say no, obviously. I wanted to tell him he was crazy. But looking at this girls face I suddenly noticed how soft and vulnerable she looked. I suddenly had a fierce desire to keep her safe no matter the cost. And just like that I accepted.

"Good. I'm not going to set any rules down you have free reign Guardian Castle. Here is Miss Belikov's folder, her schedule and her family contacts in case of an emergency." He said handing the pile over.

"I'm sorry, did you say Belikov?"

"Yes, why?" She asked.

"It's just … I think I know your brother Dimitri."

"Knew." She said in a flat tone.

"Knew?" I questioned.

"He was turned a while ago."

"Oh that." She mustn't know then. She glared ferociously at me before I realized how I must have just sounded. "Ops." I sighed. "Look I'm sorry." I said quietly. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Than how did you mean it?" she snapped.

"You know my friend Rose Hathaway right? She told me that she spent some time with you and your family a few months ago." she nodded. "You haven't talked to her in a while have you?" I stated.

"No. What does she have to do with the fact that you're a heartless arse whole doesn't give a shit that my only brother has recently been turned into a soulless blood sucking monster?"

"Look just call her." I said handing over my phone. "She's speed dill number three." She looked at me questioningly but did it anyway. I tuned out of the one sided conversation trying to plan what I was going to do with my new responsibility over this girl. Eventually she hung up and looked at me. Her big brown eyes both sad and shining with happiness.

"It's really true, isn't it? I spoke to him. I know it's real."

"Yeah it is." She smiled a small timed smile and handed me back my phone.

"Thank you." She told me.

"Its no problem. So… do you still need me to mentor you?" she nodded a yes. "Hum.. Ok but be warned I don't have a clue what I'm doing with this stuff. I'll try my best though."

"I'm sure it won't be too bad."

"Well now that that's sorted, Guardian Castel, here's your patrol schedule for when classes start back on Monday, if they need to be adjusted to suit your training with Miss. Belikov let me know and I will modify them. Miss. Belikov, I suggest you use the remaining days to get settled back into your dorm and finish any holiday homework which still needs attending to." With that we were dismissed.

When I got back to my room I had to resist the erg to bang my head against the wall. There was no doubt things would get awkward between Victoria and I. Not just because of my friendship with rose, and by extension Dimitri, I was sure that would make things weird. There was also the fact that she's hot. She is only a year younger than me, so it's not so unthinkable that I would find her attractive. Surly they had thought of this when assigning me here. I'm nineteen living around girls only a year or two younger. It's more unlikely that I wouldn't find any of them attractive. Victoria was defiantly attractive. Attractive is an understatement.

Agh I have to get my head out of the gutter. I'm not some stupid teenage boy, who can let his hormones get the better of him anymore. I'm a guardian. I can't let her affect me like this just because she's nice looking. Ok she's sexy as hell. Dear god if I don't stop thinking about her right now I'm screwed. After a while decided to go take a shower, and then I would call Rose for help. Not about my sudden 'romantic' interest in this girl I barely knew, I had decided to ignore that, eventually it'll go away, but about my new mentor role.

Maybe she could tell me how Dimitri trained her. I could tweak that schedule a little and use that. That could work. It would give me a chance to talk to Rose for a bit as well. Every now and again I would get upset and blame Rose for everything that lead to me being assigned here, I had warned her. That never lasted long though and usually only served to make me feel worse about myself.

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**It seems as though this fic is going to be depressing, but it will get better I promise. By the end everything will be Sunshine, Rainbows and Butterflies ... well maybe not Everything...**

**Let me know what you think :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not nor have I ever owned any recognisable characters, plots, places, songs, events etc.. and unfortunately never will. All credit for aforementioned recognisable material/s goes to there respective creators, which may or may not be obvious.**

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**Another short chapter, unfortunately all the originals are. The new ones will be longer once there up.**

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**_A way to forget and forgive._**

**_Chapter 3._**

It took me a while to get a schedule and training plan ready. Rose was no help at all. The only thing she could tell me was lots of running and fortune cookie Zen crap every morning and afternoon before and after classes. I couldn't have them straight after classes like Rose did, Victoria had an extra-curricular activity that was at a different time each day. Once changing that and making up a training plan. Once I had that finished I decided to go to the gym for a while. I would take Victoria her copy tomorrow.

The gym here was so much better than the one at St Vladimir's. They had a lot more equipment. Everything was new, or close to it. There was twice the space. There was even equipment I hadn't seen or heard of before my arrival. I loved it.

I hadn't been able to give Victoria her new schedule the next day as she had gone home to tell her family about Dimitri, she didn't come back until a few days after school had started. The day she came back I used the lunch hour to search for her. She wasn't in her room. She wasn't at the commons eating. She wasn't in the library. She wasn't in the gym. I sat down in one of the schools many small excluded gardens on an old steel bench. It would have been pretty in the gardens if it was warm and sunny. I decided to look for her in her next class, I didn't have a clue where she could be now.

I sat on the bench for a while just thinking about everything. I wish I had Mason with me. He was my brother and my best friend. He always knew what to say to me when I needed it. He could cheer anyone up. I really missed him. But I had screwed that up to. Because of me he's dead. I should have stopped him from going. I should have paid attention to where we were. I shouldn't have let him go back for Rose. If I hadn't have let the strogoi drink from me I could have gone back for her myself. I should be dead not him.

"What's up?" someone asked, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see who it was.

"Oh. Victoria, it's you." I stated.

"Were you expecting someone else?" she asked cheekily. I can see why she and Rose got along.

"I was looking for you before. We're going to start training tomorrow. I made up a schedule for you." I told her handing her the schedules.

"Cool thank you."

"Uh, your welcome I guess."

"Were you ok before? You looked fairly depressed before I sat down."

"I was fine. Just thinking." I said, fighting the urge to tell her everything.

"Well if you ever want or need to talk I'm here." She told me.

"Thank you." I said just as the bell rang.

"You're welcome, I guess." She said mocking my earlier statement, as she left for class.

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**As always please review , I love getting feedback even if its negative. It helps me improve, that increases your enjoyment, that makes me happy :)**


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